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Robson 12:33 Sun Aug 27
Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised', apparently.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-41059610

Intentionally brewed at 3.7% to pay less tax, sold at 4.0%.

The law allows for tolerance of + or - 0.5%, which is ridiculous considering they can probably set the controls within about 0.001%.

Not that I'd buy it obviously! But if I did I'd be pretty annoyed. Plus or minus 0.1% is a pretty big difference when you're looking for a fun night out on a budget!

Bungo 9:39 Mon Aug 28
Re: Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

I see your Ski and raise you one Activia.

Hammer and Pickle 3:20 Mon Aug 28
Re: Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

Fucking hell Alfie!

Alfie 3:04 Mon Aug 28
Re: Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

In 1987 i came back mate


I rollled out the beast - ostensibly a chocolate ice cream.lolly but with a hidden lozenge of chocolate so hard and unpalatable old people broke both their front teeth on it and scottish heroin addicts had it battered and took it anally to mainline its sweet hit over a prolonged period in their arsehole. Cats licking it were seen to sick it back up like choking fish


If you smelt this icy bastard you would notice it stunk of creosote - because i coated it in creosote from other peoples wooden fences and packets of nut crackling and cashew dust

It went down an absolute storm. The beast won the icy lolly of the year award in france in 1984 and the most visually arresting snack of 2008 in luxembourg.

I was on top of the game again and would often gorge on this chocolatey messiah whilst out raving at Tots in southend with my possee whilst listening to centreforce and billing up spliff on a tillum

Alfie 2:52 Mon Aug 28
Re: Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

For quite a few years in essex i was known as the birds custard and jelly guvnor.

I held so much custard i had a fucking lake of it on my land - with deckchairs round it and poor quality chip shop and ice cream vans. I was importing so much of the sweet yellow desert topping i was fucking atoll protected and had 18 - 30 holidays jumping off balconies and drowning in the custardy goo.

I had northern women with blotchy faces and too tight bras leaving their kids at home with boxes of matches to come to my resort.

I was the custard timeshare king. Lord of the jelly.

Then it all changed. Walls Vienetta came on the scene. I couldnt compete with its Austrian ecotica and crispy outer shell layers of chocolatey strudel and light flumtious ice cream.

I was fucked overnight - at my own game
Before then all the ravers had been content with my milka lollies and screwballs. Suddenly every cunt was bowling about with a viennese log under their arm. Some were wearing it as hats
Others were sniffing it to maximise the ice cream buzz.

My custard and blancmange was suddenly old hat
You could get an eighth of my rhubarb chocco cone for 17 pence whereas in 1984 it was punting for a cockle.

Id been out deserted
Striped up at my own refreshments game

I facked off well and truly gutted - but id be back mate ive said

Alfie 2:30 Mon Aug 28
Re: Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

Years supply of cherry ski yoghurt? Yes fucking please.
Twenty four mixed fruits packs of ski yogjury? Dont mind if i do. But drop me out of the peach - you can fucking have them back

Lick the lid? Gert you cowsun. Use a little tea spoon to get the last vestiges of the creamy yoghurt out of every recess and the smooth plastic walls of the pot? Oh go on then.

Dip your nose in it? Go on sir.

Ive got connections sir in the yoghurt game. Old skool - none of your yoplait shit or that swedish belly fungus shit called bostik shpoons or whatever the cunts call it - with bifidus pro biotics.

Back in the day i was the yoghurt governer. I shit the angel delite mob. I lorded it over the swiss roll lot. Wankers.

gph 2:27 Mon Aug 28
Re: Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

Shame they can't buy us all off.

*contact me by WHOmail for a thunderous endorsement of Carling - at a price, of course*

Alfie 2:18 Mon Aug 28
Re: Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

Bungo - thats nothing

An acquaintance of my cousin is fairly friendly with the founder of Ski yoghurts - the 1980s beverage condiment and milk based desert firm. I think youll find that is far more impressive than your claim to beverage company linked fame sir

One Word 10:48 Sun Aug 27
Re: Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

Claims line number please ?

Bungo 8:39 Sun Aug 27
Re: Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

My youngest son is best mates with a lad whose Dad is fairly senior in Carlsberg.

So far this year he has been to Glastonbury and Reading festivals free with VIP camping and free food thrown in too.

No complaints coming from him...

Willtell 5:01 Sun Aug 27
Re: Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

it's not that good Boycie...

Boycie 4:59 Sun Aug 27
Re: Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

fermented dog piss

Westside 3:30 Sun Aug 27
Re: Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

Carling Black Label.

Like making love in a canoe.

Fucking close to water.

martyboy 2:37 Sun Aug 27
Re: Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

I see one of those "Hip" ponces asking for a Carling top? Carling top!!! Cunt just have the balls to ask for a shandy and be done with it you mincer!!

The Cult Of Bob 1:38 Sun Aug 27
Re: Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

Whenever I think of Carling lager, I think of overweight 50 something dads at a barbecue possibly wearing black shorts with black socks and a pair of sandals.

Coffee 12:34 Sun Aug 27
Re: Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

It still is.

Mike Oxsaw 12:31 Sun Aug 27
Re: Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

Is lager still marketed as "cool, cosmopolitan and all jet-set" when compared to dour cap-doffing, warm, flat bitter?

Back in the day, a lager was a (sweet-toothed) girls' drink - something for when a single Babycham wasn't quite thirst-quenching enough.

BerlinIron 1:51 Sun Aug 27
Re: Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised',

Bit like our back 4

White Pony 1:48 Sun Aug 27
Re: Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

Surely nobody drinks that stale piss anyway?

gph 1:36 Sun Aug 27
Re: Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

It tastes awful.

Double or half its strength, and it would still taste awful.

So I don't really care how strong it is.

Mad Dog 1:23 Sun Aug 27
Re: Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

I only drink carling when the tap water is too pungent

FruityBoots. 12:44 Sun Aug 27
Re: Carling lager is 'weaker than advertised'

It is so weak it accelerates gravity.

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